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Now this was a weird one. Inquisitor Makhell sent his boys out to drag in the infamous author of The Broken Empire series, and the man had already written the answers? It’s like he’d used some futuristic technology of mathematics to predict what would be asked. The guy thinks he’s a rocket scientist or something. Anyway, back the witchunters came, without a bruise or broken bone given. They weren’t best pleased, but the good news is, we have what we wanted: answers to Makhell’s twenty questions, Mark Lawrence style:
1. If I gave you an elk, where would you hide it?
“Lot’s of missing information here. Do I need regular access to it? Do I need to keep it alive? Who is looking for it? I could cut it into small pieces and mail the bits to strangers. I could use anti-simulation methods and disguise it as a bouncy castle. It all depends on the parameters of the problem…”
2. Why would you be hiding it? Weird.
“Well that was my question!”
3. Tell us something about your work in progress?
“Finding myself several years ahead of schedule and out of contract I am toying with three separate ideas. A continuation of the story of one character from Broken Empire (setting). A whole new fantasy story based around what I feel is a very novel idea rather than a very novel character. And a real world thriller … because that’s where the money is. So why not give it a try?”
4. If you were a tree, what tree would you be and why?
“One of those ones that loads of goats like to go and stand in. Because of the opportunities for hilarity.”
5. Were you an avid reader as a kid?
“I was. It’s all relative of course, but I read a lot more then than I do now. Also I re-read things. Which is something I almost never do these days.”
6. Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer?
“I’ll say gatherer as this sounds like a variation on the architect/gardener approach to writing. I tend to discover rather than plan my stories.”
7. You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What colour would you be and why?
“Um. A really ugly colour that eats through paper. That way I wouldn’t get used up.”
8. What was the last gift you received?
“A bottle of wine in an elaborate “carved” resin bottle that sits on its side. My eldest son brought it back for me from his skiing holiday in Bulgaria … probably in tacit recognition of the fact I indirectly paid for said holiday.”
9. What were you like in high school – nerdy, sporty, etc…?
“Definitely nerdy. I played a lot of D&D. But I was in the 2nd rugby team and could benchpress my own weight, so I had a (very) little sporty going on.”
10. What’s the last thing you watched on TV and why did you choose to watch it?
“I haven’t watched a TV in over a year. But I’ve watched TV programs on my laptop. I watch the BBC news every day. Aside from that I watched both seasons of Rick & Morty (twice) and they were on TV first…”
11. What do you want to be when you grow up?
“I think I’m as grown up as I’m ever going to get. Which is a bit sad.”
12. Describe the colour green to somebody who is blind.
“It’s pretty dull, dude. You’re not missing much.”
13. Who would win a fight between Frodo and Sam?
“Neither of them because they wouldn’t fight. If both of them were really going at it though for *random reason* and Frodo didn’t have the Ring on or his mithril mail from Bilbo … then I would say Sam as he’s more hardened by manual labour.”
14. A white rabbit hops through the door right now wearing a helmet. What does he say and why is he here?
““Fuck me, that Wonderland hail is off the h- hey, you’re not Alice!””
15. What’s your favourite game, be it video, board or tabletop?
“Very tough. I haven’t played any for a while and it rather depends on the company. I guess D&D has given me the most pleasure though I haven’t played for a very very long time.”
16. The last book you read was…?
“An unpublished ridiculously highbrow novel by my eldest daughter.”
17. Supercar, Superbike or Superboat, and why?
“I don’t want any of them, so I will opt for superboat because it will bring the most money in when I immediately sell it.”
18. Where is your preferred writing space?
“I’m not really bothered. I guess my office desk or the conservatory.”
19. When’s your next book out?
“April the 4th!”
20. Do you have a question for me?
“Many irrational numbers contain every possible number sequence within them. If these are encoded into ASCII this means that somewhere in say, the square root of 2 is the full and ordered text of every book you will ever write, every sentence you will ever utter (in order) and a full account of the date and manner of your death. How does this make you feel?”
JP: “Peachy, just peachy… In all honesty, it makes me feel the same as the whole grains of sand compared to stars thing. Mind = Blown. Science = Awesome. Me = Lost For Words.”
And that, peasants, is a glimpse into the mind of Mark Lawrence, one of my all time favourite authors – isn’t he lucky! Now check out his novels and short stories by buying them on Amazon here, and follow his witty waffling on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads, of course. His website is pretty cool too!
As for my books, well, you guessed it… buy them!