Samorlian Inquisition – Dyrk Ashton

I don’t know how he did it, but Inquisitor Makhell’s latest prisoner survived beneath the Samorlian Cathedral for weeks! Weeks I say! But, despite the author of Paternus managing to survive, he failed to keep silent when the screws turned and the pulleys… pulled. Yes, peasants, Dyrk Ashton broke, eventually, and spilled the beans:

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1. If I gave you an elk, where would you hide it?

It would be a tiny magic elf, and quite handsome, so I would use a gilded bird cage but hide it in the attic.

2. Why would you be hiding it? Weird.

So no one would steal it! Tiny?! Magic?! What the hell!

(That say “elf” or “elk?” Must be elf, why in hell would JP give me an elk…)

3. Tell us something about your work in progress?

It is a work. It’s in progress. The second book in the Paternus trilogy. Here’s the dirty secret – I’m working on books 2 and 3 at the same time, and I’m not sure where to end the one and begin the other. So that’s something.

4. If you were a tree, what tree would you be and why?

A willow. Their gloriously mythical and wise looking.

5. Were you an avid reader as a kid?

Oh yes. From the time I read my first word. I remember driving my parents crazy, reading all the billboards and labels and cereal boxes out loud. And books of course, starting with Dr. Seuss and Are You My Mother and progressing through Stuart Little and Charlotte’s Web and then it was anything I could get my hands on, almost entirely fantasy, well except for Poe and Doyle.

6. Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer?

I gather hunters and hunt gatherers. I am Firstborn. I am Legion. I am.

7. You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What colour would you be and why?

Courier New 12 point. It’s just so classy.

8. What was the last gift you gave someone?

Herpes.

9. What were you like in high school – nerdy, sporty, etc…?

I was an odd man in. I’d played soccer (football) since 4th grade, two seasons a year, and played through high school. I was also wrestled in junior high and all four years of high school. I got along well with all the jocks. But I was also an incredible nerd and got along fine with the other nerds. Oddly enough, the “hoods,” as we called them then, were a fine philosophical pot-smoking bunch and we got along famously, even though I didn’t smoke (no really I didn’t, not in high school – now Southern Comfort and Genessee Cream Ale…)

10. What’s the last thing you watched on TV and why did you choose to watch it?

A Barcelona soccer (football) game just today. Part of it anyway. Because I love the sport and IMHO there is no team-up like Messi, Neymar, Suárez and Iniesta on the field. (I’m sure I’ve made some friends and enemies with that one…)

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Not a grownup, that’s all I know for certain. Though there was the herpetologist phase, then metalsmith (swords and armor and such), and gunsmith (you know, guns?) phases. Ended up in film school after studying business for a couple of years. Still not grown up, so we’ll see.

12. Describe the colour green to somebody who is blind.

Tastes like sour apples, feels like soft grass, smells like a freshly mown lawn, and sounds like the wind through the trees. Pretty standard, but there you have it.

13. Who would win a fight between Frodo and Sam?

Samwise would totally kick Frodo’s ass. Frodo is a total wimp. Would Frodo survive a fight with Shelob? I think not.

14. A white rabbit hops through the door right now wearing a helmet. What does he say and why is he here?

“You’d best get to a doctor right away because your had another nervous break but this time you’re hallucinating.” Or, he’d(she’d?) just march around humming Patton’s Theme. Probably both. And just to warn or entertain me. I’d probably call my solicitor, J.P. Ashman.

15. What’s your favourite game, be it video, board or tabletop?

My brother and buddies and I had a room with five computers daisy-chained, beginning back in the mid 90s through the early 2000s. It was called the Duke Room, because we started with Duke Nukem. Then it was Shadow Warrior, Quake, then Unreal. Great times. GREAT times.

16. The last book you read was…?

A beta-read of Graham-Austin King’s upcoming book, Faithless. Very good stuff. Had to take a break from reading that bloke Ashman’s Black Cross, also very enjoyable, to do it though. Now, reading an ARC of Ben Galley’s The Heart of Stone to do an early review, and loving it.

17. Supercar, Superbike or Superboat, and why?

Supergoat. It would be able to fly and poop donuts and pee coffee. Because flying, donuts and coffee. Oh, is that a “b”…?

18. Where is your preferred writing space?

Just between Jupiter and Saturn, it’s quiet there. Also coffee shops, because if I have to be on Earth, the bustle helps me to focus.

19. When’s your next book out?

Late Summer 2017 (fingers crossed). And here’s your scoop, Master Ashman – the tentative title is Paternus: Kaos (or just Kaos, Paternus Book 2).

20. Do you have a question for me?

Was it difficult to get your legal degree and license in England? And one more time, where are my pants?

JP: “It was as difficult as it was for you to come up with, and continue to tell everyone, Ashton! As for your pants… I burnt them. It’s less than you bloody well deserve.”

How the heck did Ashton last weeks with the inquisitors? Samorl knows. Anyhow, I suggest you harry him online. A lot. On Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, his own website and, of course, by buying his book and then reviewing it. I did.

(Cheeky sod only went and added these links too: Audible, LinkedIn and Instagram)

Tarra for now.

JP

inquisitor

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