Samorlian Inquisition – Rob J. Hayes

A much shorter gap between inquisitions this time around. Inquisitor Makhell has been busy. He had to send an armoured cog out onto the high seas to snag this author, and boy did the ruffian put up a fight. The witchunters dragged him in eventually – thankfully – and the things he spilled to Makhell were, well, see for yourself, with the questioning of Captain Rob J. Hayes:


  1. If I gave you an elk, where would you hide it?

“In plain sight. I’d dress it up like a child and call it Alfred. Maybe even push it around in a pram a bit. Just how big is this elk anyway?”


  1. Why would you be hiding it? Weird.

“Why would you be giving me an elk? Is it payment? Every author who answers these questions gets a free elk? I DEMAND MY COMPLIMENTARY ELK!”


  1. Tell us something about your work in progress?

“Can’t say much at the moment but early readers have described it as Broken Empire meets Mistborn. It picks up at the end of the greatest war mankind has ever known and our main character finds herself on the losing side.”


  1. If you were a tree, what tree would you be and why?

“I’d be a Christmas tree. That way I’m only relevant for one month out of the year and the rest of it I can spend alone in a forest battling squirrels.”


  1. Were you an avid reader as a kid?

“Oh yes. I remember my mother once brought home a book called The Dark Portal by Robin Jarvis (it’s a fantasy book about mice fighting against a cat). I was hooked on it and have been reading ever since.”


  1. Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer?

“I like to think I’m a hunter… but really I’m more like the cook once everything has been caught and de-feathered.”


  1. You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What colour would you be and why?

“Yellow because of my sunny disposition.”


  1. What was the last gift you gave someone?

“I recently (not recently, because I’ve taken forever to publish this. My bad. – JP) bought my girlfriend a lovely bottle of bourbon which I got to try… a lot. OK, I bought it for both of us. OK, mostly just for me. It was very nice.”


  1. What were you like in high school – nerdy, sporty, etc…?

“I was the nerdy jester who spent half his life staring out the nearest window and dreaming of monster/alien attacks. Not a lot has changed really save for the addition of anxiety and debt.” (How similar we are! – JP)


  1. What’s the last thing you watched on TV and why did you choose to watch it?

Heroes of the Storm e-sports (ages ago now, thanks again to my tardiness in publishing this. – JP). I mentioned in the last question I was a bit nerdy, well I still am. I don’t watch football or rugby, but I am addicted to watching people play computer games.”


  1. What do you want to be when you grow up?

“Wise beyond my years.”


  1. Describe the colour green to somebody who is blind.

“Nothing like orange.”


  1. Who would win a fight between Frodo and Sam?

“That’s gotta be Sam. He’s got the reach and the weight advantage and he’s a little bit crazy when backed into a corner. All Frodo ever did was complain about the weight of his bling and get other people into trouble. I imagine it as a wrestling match where the bigger man squashes the smaller. Fingers crossed Sam puts Frodo through a table.”


  1. A white rabbit hops through the door right now wearing a helmet. What does he say and why is he here?

“It’s all over. Get to the escape pods and pray we can outrun the blast wave.”

He’s clearly there because containment has failed and the resulting chain reaction is likely to cause violent gravitational shifts throughout the galaxy.”


  1. What’s your favourite game, be it video, board or tabletop?

“That’s way too broad a question. I’ll go with board game and say either Battlestar Gallatica or Dead of Winter. I’m a big fan of the psychological ones where I can cause chaos amongst my fellow players. Also, I am ALWAYS a cylon.”


  1. The last book you read was…?

“I’m currently (or, ages ago. – JP) reading The Liar’s Key by Mark Lawrence. My last book (several books ago. – JP) was Prince of Fools by Mark Lawrence. I like to read series back to back.”


  1. Supercar, Superbike or Superboat, and why?

“I can’t drive any of them so which one is worth more on the open market?”


  1. Where is your preferred writing space?

“Preferred? A desert island beach with nothing but sand, sun, and waves gently lapping at my feet. In reality I have a little office type space in the spare bedroom. 😦 ”


  1. When’s your next book out?

“That will be WHERE LOYALTIES LIE, the first book in my piratical duology and it’s coming out in May of this year (2017… IT’S OUT!!! GO GET IT! – JP). AVAST!”


  1. Do you have a question for me?

“How long does it take to boil an egg?”

JP: “Thirty six years, because I’ve never… oh… wait a moment. I think I did cock-up boiling an egg once upon a time. It’s a vague memory.”

Okay, folks, as you can see, I have once again taken a ridiculous amount of time to publish a questioning (there’s several waiting, in fact). Because of that, Rob is likely working on new things and releasing new things, but I’ll link to his website HERE so you can keep track of his shenanigans. He’s a top bloke who’s writing I’ve yet to sample (SHAME!), but I keep hearing great things and I love his cover art (I’m shallow. Yes). Get your eye-skates on and go check out his many books, if you haven’t already. Here’s an Amazon link for your convenience and here is where you can go and bother him on social media: Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads. Tell him I said, “Sorry it took me so long, Mr Rob, Sir.”


There’s be another Mackhell fun-time interview coming your way soon. Stay tuned, or whatever it is we do online.

Tarra for now,


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6 thoughts on “Samorlian Inquisition – Rob J. Hayes

    1. Haha… She’d do better than me. She cooks away in her little kitchen, making me cups of tea with salt and pepper in because she thinks it hilarious. As for real cooking, that’s Wifey’s job – before you shout at me, I do the washing up, washing and drying, sweeping and hoovering 😛 And I help her with the van most evenings or early mornings. And… safe.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s fun when our daughters cook for us. Mine cooks real omelettes now. Using frying pan and stuff. She is tall enough to reach by standing on a chair. You sound like a decent husband (I did glare before you could stop me). Mine asks too many questions before he gets any of the work done. So, I often end up doing it all by myself. He is good at taking care of me when I am sick though. 🙂 Good men, you people are.

        Liked by 1 person

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