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This one was hard to find. It took long enough, but Inquisitor Makhell’s witchunters eventually found the man in question hovering above Drapnor in a balloon, drawing maps, of all things. Aye, not only is this history buff a writer of tall tales, but he’s a drawer of exquisite maps, too. I give you the author of The Thousand Scars, folks. I give you: Michael. R. Baker.
- If I gave you an elk, where would you hide it?
“Inside the phone so I can spring it upon people who think it’s amusing to try and sell me scams across the phone where I cannot punch them in the face.”
- Why would you be hiding it? Weird.
“The alternative option is more illegal.”
- Tell us something about your work in progress?
“Working on a new fantasy series. After the death of the White King, the realm of Drapnor is thrown into chaos when the powerful religious state Sardona seizes the capital city. With no declared heir, there is a power vaccum, pitting dozens of claimants against each other. With their whole lives dedicated to ridding the world of Valian (and by extent magical) influence, Sardona and it’s powerful military religion is a threat to all. But darker forces conspire on all sides. Cities become countries, lost in a sea of potential foes, and the outer powers prepare to move in on the bleeding kingdom.”
- If you were a tree, what tree would you be and why?
“These are weird ass questions! Probably the giant sequoia. I would be the literal god of the tree world. Except the God-Tree itself, of course.”
- Were you an avid reader as a kid?
“Fairly. I read a lot more now however.”
- Are you more of a hunter or a gatherer?
“Hunting all the way, man! Somehow just running around with my tribe gathering fruits and berries doesn’t cut it. Following the gatherers, killing them and then stealing their spoils is the way forward, gentlemen.”
- You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What colour would you be and why?
“Red. I can create the influence of blood and annoy people!”
- What was the last gift you gave someone?
“The gift of forever silence.”
- What were you like in high school – nerdy, sporty, etc…?
“Nerdy all the way! I enjoyed it that way.”
- What’s the last thing you watched on TV and why did you choose to watch it?
“Jurassic World. I felt that I had to spend some time with the parents on Boxing Day. What better then to watch dinosaurs eat humans?”
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
“Billionaire and successful writer? But in all seriousness, astronaut with a Magneto-style power.”
- Describe the colour green to somebody who is blind.
“Those healthy things you eat that never taste as good as unhealthy stuff? They are usually green.”
- Who would win a fight between Frodo and Sam?
“Sam. Frying Pan, people. He took out an entire tower of Orcs and Uruk-Hai on his own. Sam is the man!”
- A white rabbit hops through the door right now wearing a helmet. What does he say and why is he here?
““Time to slay the dragon!” He is here for our quest to slay the great dragon. When I say that, I mean the drunk shopkeeper who refuses to let me in.”
- What’s your favourite game, be it video, board or tabletop?
Too difficult to say one. Here is my Top 20! Yes, I’m a difficult bastard.
- The Witcher 3
- Medieval 2: Total War
- The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
- Divinity: Original Sin 2
- Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines
- Age of Empires 2
- Rollercoaster Tycoon 2
- Stardew Valley
- Mount and Blade: Warband
- Deus Ex
- Worms Armageddon
- Planet Coaster
- Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain
- Thief II
- Black and White
- Kerbal Space Program
- Planescape Torment
- Fallout: New Vegas
- Saints Row 2″
- The last book you read was…?
“Ruin by John Gwynne. A masterpiece that had me swearing at it by the end.
- Supercar, Superbike or Superboat, and why?
“Superbike. Less space to get stuck in dumb traffic jams, and it looks cooler!”
- Where is your preferred writing space?
“Usually just my bedroom, but I prefer some kind of public garden to walk through. Sit in warm sunshine, drink coffee and write.”
- When’s your next book out?
“I hope by the end of 2018. Will see how we do.”
- Do you have a question for me?
“I would love to try what you took to make these questions. Can I have some?”
JP: “It’s stashed in the elk…”
I’m quite proud that this interview was posted within a week of receiving it. It’s been a long time since that happened, but the answers were short and snappy – gaming answer aside – so I felt I should. There’s loads more in my backlog of interviews (a thousand apologies, once again), but I hope to release more and more as the year continues.
Thanks to Michael for putting up with Makhell’s questioning, and thanks to you lot for sticking with the Samorlian Inquisiton.